Take two ibuprofen and call me in the morning.

Recently I got to dole out some relationship advice to one of my good friends. Well, relationship ending advice, to be more specific. She was my college roommate sophomore year and has been a great friend ever since. We'll call her Rocket. (I've decided that short, fun nicknames are best. So there.) She hadn't been in a serious relationship until we neared the later years of college. She started dating a boy who went to the same high school that I did, and they hit it off well at the start. It was cute and they seemed like a good fit for each other. They had been dating for a year and a couple of months, and when I went down to visit her this last time I got the feeling things weren't smooth sailing. After a night of drinking box wine and cheap drinks we started chatting about relationships, like those imbibing are wont to do, and it really sounded like a common case of people just going in opposite directions. Being the serial monogamist that I am, I've had the chance to experience that first hand and through the eyes of some of my bff's relationships falling away. But this was a first for her.

Now if you haven't noticed by now, I'm an only child. Unless you count my furry brother. I've never had an older sister to give me dating advice or a younger sibling to vainly try and help them make good choices. But I've had three times the amount of serious relationships that Rocket has had, so that made me the expert. Granted, expert by default because we were the only two people there, but the expert nonetheless!

my old man puppy. he's 11! 

note: not at all relevant to this story.

I finally feel okay enough with myself and understand the workings of relationships enough that sometimes- actually, most of the time, relationships just don't work out. Sometimes it's because someone in the relationship is a giant bag of douche who cheats, or is mean, or some other terrible thing; but more often than not, it's that things just aren't "right" for the two people involved. It could be anything from wanting different things, enjoying different lifestyles, moving away, fading emotions or just really bad timing. And I'm finally understanding the concept of 'Just because I'm a nice person and you're a nice person, doesn't mean we're right for each other.' A lot of the times you are doing everything you can- just being yourself, which is all anyone should ask, but it's just not the right fit.

And that sure as hell doesn't make breaking up any easier. I've NEVER had an easy breakup, but I finally feel that I've been able to learn from all of them. Rocket wasn't sure how to bring it up or how at all to break up with someone. Now I'm a little rusty on being the dumper- it's been a few years. But being a fairly recent dumpee has left me with some things that I think are important in breakups. At least those in the 1-3 year timelines, which is the only experience I have.

• They should always be done in person, whenever possible. You have invested yourself into this person and relationship- you owe face time to end it. Don't be a coward.

• Don't lie about why the relationship is ending. [Note: this is the hardest, because the other person is already hurting and you don't want to hurt them any more]. Use tact, don't be rude, but don't lie. It's hurts more when you find out the reason for the breakup was a lie later on.

•   Cut off all contact. Don't try to be friends right away. If you're saying 'Whatever- I can totally be friends right away with my ex!' then you are the exception to this rule. Then use personal judgement. I think friendship is possible at some point, with some relationships- but it takes time. Maybe 6 months, maybe a year. Maybe a few years. Just rip off the bandaid all at once and cut off contact right away.

I don't really think there's any such thing as a "good breakup," but they're necessary evils. Maybe having some guidelines can help some people reduce their angst that comes with it. I have some rules for the dumpee, too- but that's for another day.

What are your breakup rules?