Perfectly Lonely

Even though John Mayer is pretty much a tool, the guy knows how to put on a show. I got offered a chance to go to his show recently and was kind of so-so about it at first, thought about it, realized I like his music (and hey, free ticket!), so I decided to go. Wow. Thank goodness I did. The show was ah.MAY.zing. He is an incredible musician and the energy circulating through the arena was invigorating. I used to go to concerts all the time in high school and kind of burned out on them, but this brought me back to the joy of live music.

If you've ever listened to John Mayer's music, you know there are plenty of tunes about love and heartache. There were some days lately when I was listening to Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, I'm Gonna Find Another You, and Dreaming with a Broken Heart on repeat. Could I get any more emo? But at the show he played one of his newer songs, Perfectly Lonley, and talked about how that song could be either heartbreaking or lovely. For him right now, it's lovely. For me? It's lovely too. But I only realized it that night.

"Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one to be
Is it really hard to see

Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong"


In that moment, I felt young and full of possibilities (and cliches, apparently). I'm in my early twenties, and have been in relationships for the last 6 years with no more than 3 months in between boyfriends until this past May. And let's be honest, I was still tied up with the last guy until October. Why not be on my own for awhile? I have no idea what I want to do with my life, so here's a chance to figure it out. As much as I've cared about others, I really do need to take this time to care about me. I definitely miss the companionship the most, but as much as I'd like a guy to hang out with, I really don't have any desire for a new boyfriend right now. And I'm sure I will soon enough, but I finally got to thinking that you only have so much time in your life to be free of extra responsibilities, so now I just gotta figure out how to make the most of it.

And hope that this feeling stays around. Contentedness was a lot cooler to experience than longing. So note to self: as much as you may miss the ex, live in the now and appreciate this opportunity. Be single. Live for yourself for awhile. Love will come along.

But don't worry- I'll still spend plenty of time self-analyzing. I haven't quite figured out how to make the what-if shut up besides overpowering it with live music.

/sappiness. And my favorite part of the night? Might just have been opening the encore with Who Says. Can I say it again? ah.MAY.zing. I may have even been suckered into buying a concert shirt.

 

P.S. Don't you just love his faces?