This tastes of hypocrisy.

I'll fully admit it now: I've made fun of personal blogs where people mope and whine about how things didn't work out. Feel free to make fun of me. [Actually, if you stumble on my Livejournal from 2003, please do make fun of me. Oh, angst.] I get that whole Karma thing. But, being as far removed as I can be at this point in the situation the goal for me now is to figure out the why. I was a communication studies major in college, and the whole research aspect to it has stuck with me. I'm sure I'll lament from time to time, but hopefully I'll be able to stick to figuring out the 'whys' without getting too 'woe is me.'

If I do take a turn for the dramatic, feel free to mock me back into focus.

But seriously folks. Why, after this time has passed, am I still getting pangs of nostalgia? Do I really miss him? Or just the companionship, or love? Am I ready to get myself back out there? What can I really learn from all this, because I have got to learn something about myself after going through this. I've always kind of figured that's how you accept the hell you sometimes have to go through- so you can look back at it and find something you can take with you as a learning experience. I'm well on my way to a quarter-life crisis, so I figure any of my shit I can get together now, the smaller the mental breakdown later.

And in case anyone is wondering (not that anybody in the great wide internet is), I've taken a nom de plume. You can call me Chanson. If anybody actually breaks through my fake identity, the pseudonym should make sense. But until then, Chanson it is. I'll answer to Chance too- doesn't everybody love a nickname? Any other humans who are lucky (unlucky?) enough to make their way into my blog will have baller nicknames as well, because they sure didn't ask to have their life stories broadcast out there. Well, maybe they have, but they didn't ask me. Which totally makes sense. Who walks up to their friend and says, "Dude! I am super awesome. Please, dear friend, write fantastic stories about me and post them on the web." What, your friends actually do that? Maybe I should find some more exciting pals...